This is a line most partners of sex addicts (SAs) have heard at least once. It's a common cop-out line they use to try to derail a discussion (or argument or fight) and put the onus of the issue onto the partner.
One member reported that when they confronted their SA partner with evidence of phone calls and text messages they made to another person they were cheating with, the SA said, "It doesn't matter what I say -- you won't believe me anyway."
In other words, they didn't want to have to own up to their addiction and their actions, so they say that catch-all phrase and walk away. It allows them to keep their addictive fantasy intact long enough to run from the confrontation. Or, in some cases, the partner will feel guilty for making the SA "feel bad" and retreat from the argument, allowing the SA to continue their addictive cycle.
If you find evidence of sexual acting out behavior and the SA comes up with excuses (it was my brother who ordered that porn; there must be a virus on my computer downloading that porn; someone was playing a joke by calling my phone that many times; those text messages I sent were just a joke) do NOT believe the lies.
By allowing yourself to be sucked back into the addictive cycle by believing the lies, you are keeping yourself entrenched in denial.If you really feel something is wrong, if your gut is screaming to you that something is wrong, then don't turn your back on those feelings and ignore the truth. Something probably IS wrong. And even though it hurts to face the truth head on, delaying it by choosing to believe the lies will only hurt you more in the long run.
- You won't believe me anyway -- it doesn't matter what I say.
- You're just paranoid.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
- If you were/weren't ____ then I wouldn't have ____.
Remember, THEIR addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT! No matter what they say, what blame they try to lay (and some lower level 1 addicts don't try to blame their partner, but most other addicts do) it is NOT YOUR FAULT!
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